Welcome back Smarks and Shooters alike, The Smark Shooter (after many delays, a new job like opportunity, and some procrastination) IS BACK. And while it's the night before Fastlane, I've been working overtime on a lot of posts for New Japan, Ring of Honor, Chikara, and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla BUT You're here for the Royal Rumble right? OF COURSE it's only the best Not Wrestlemania PPV in America! So as a huge warning, this one is going to be long, so if you don't want to read everything, Jump straight to the end of the blog and just read the Grades for the Superstars in the event. But if you're in for the long run, there's a lot of spastic recap as well as my thoughts. Enjoy and Spread the word of The Smark Shooter. When in doubt, watch Pro Wrestling!
Spoiler alert: If you haven’t watched, go on the WWE Network
for 9.99 and watch. Or….find it somewhere.
Royal Rumble review.
Pre Show thoughts:
The Intercontinental Title fluff piece was awesome for post
2002 standards.
Owens is the most straightforward heel in WWE today. He’s a heel to love, but
still finds a way to tick you off. The condescending tone towards Jojo was just
music to the ears.
Pre Show: Sandow/Young vs. Ascension vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Henry/Swagger.
Quick Note:To have it called the “One vs. All match” was
very grating to hear. As if it wasn’t enough to have Reigns’s odds pushed in
your face. Might as well call it a 1 on 29 tag match.
The Teams:
Dudleys (Bubba
Ray and D-Von)….Had a feeling they weren’t going to win. D-Von, as much as I
appreciate him, just doesn’t conjure the starpower on his own to earn a spot.
Bubba going out on his own would be cool at this juncture if they’re not going
to win the Tag Team championships.
Jack Swagger/Mark Henry-my prediction to win the qualifier,
mainly because I paid attention to the WWE’s youtube channel. Mark Henry had a
video where he had made claim that this could be his last shot for the
Rumble. Having him fail after that
video would have been wasteful (not that WWE isn’t known to be wasteful on
plot). I enjoy Swagger as a face more than a heel….just something doesn’t click
as much as I wish it would. Also,
Swagger (minus the We the People chant) still had a better reaction then everyone….minus
one person.
Darren Young/Damien Sandow-I hate to say this….but Darren is
just fodder for whatever team he’s on. Beyond irrelevant in this match….his
sole purpose was to get Damien Sandow in the match. Sandow had the biggest
reaction, just shows what happens when you get people to care: The fans don’t
forget.
The Ascension:If they were in NxT, the crowd would have
popped big. The main roster writers have ruined all credibility for Konnor and
Viktor.
“HEYYYYYY WE WANT SOME SANDOW!”
Best reaction of the entire match: Sandow comes in,
beautiful Russian Leg Sweep and the Kobito Akiyete (Elbow of Disdain….one of
the few things I enjoy hearing from Michael Cole)
The fact that Darren Young had to earn his way in and Titus
O’Neill didn’t seem right. Titus
and Darren should have been the Tag team to win this match, and already have
Mark Henry in beforehand. Sandow could have technically been a surprise entrant
considering how much time he’s had on tv since splitting from the Miz. Swagger….you could have him team up
with Sandow if he wasn’t a surprise entrant, or hell…Fandango could have been
used.
The constant crap that Saxton has to deal with from JBL and
Cole is getting tiresome.
Oh, and rewatching the match, I realized that Mark Henry
wasn’t even the legal man. There was no tag from Bubba Ray to Henry, just
Swagger holding him down with an Ankle Lock so Henry could give Bubba a splash.
No tag, so Bubba Ray was still legal and so was Viktor.
Such a sloppy ending.
Winner: Swagger and Henry…
1.5 out of 10 Bull’s eyes.
The fluff piece for the DIVAS Championship match was phenomenal. And…..Booker
having a stupid graphic is annoying.
End Pre-Show.
Start of main show:
Vince lowering himself to Jojo literally was a funny figurative gesture.
Going into this PPV, in this guy’s opinion, there was so
much emphasis on Roman Reigns that it was extremely off-putting. And this is
coming from someone who did want Reigns to at least have a good showing. But
considering the last two years having Reigns pushed down my throat, as well as
the buildup basically being Roman Reigns and a bunch of “other guys” really had
me rooting against Reigns from the onset of the pre show and all throughout.
Amway Center….shout-out to the Network Marketers out there!
Match 1: Last Man Standing Intercontinental Championship Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens
Ambrose as champion, coming out to a big ovation!
Owens coming out to an equally big ovation as well after the annoying announce
team is introduced.
We have a Spanish Announce team on the end of the row, as well as a French
commentary team on the other end. (hmm….is it French because of Kevin Owens’s
Quebec residence?)
Match was a rematch from WWE TLC, where Ambrose originally
won the title. Amongst the early fun parts of the match included Ambrose with a Huge Suicide dive that sent Kevin Owens straight into Michael
Cole (YES!) and a SUPERKICK by Owens….then a HUGE Cannonball through the barricade to Ambrose!
Note: Didn’t know that Pat Patterson came up with the
Rumble, pretty cool!
Owens lounges in the chairs while Ambrose tries to get up,
Classic Owens.
Owens ended up taking out a table…..then he took a second
one and put that one on top. (If
you’ve ever watched ROH, it might look familiar)
Pop Up POWERBO- countered into a Frankensteiner, and DIRTY
DEEDS!!!!!!!!!!
Owens gets up at 8!
DIRTY DEEDS onto a chair!!!!!! (Byron Saxton and JBL calling
it)
Owens rolls out of the ring to stand up! (Similar to Alberto
Del Rio a few years ago!)
Huge Fight Owens Fight chant running as Ambrose gets ANOTHER
table
HEEEEEEEEYYYYY WE WANT SOME TABLES!!!!!!!! (I love that
chant. Thank you New Day)
AMBROSE with a Flying Elbow Drop onto Owens draped over the
Table!
Ambrose and Owens up at 8 again! Dean with another table but setting up this one in the
ring…..well after he smacks Kevin Owens with a chair and they both trade “I
HATE YOU(s)!”
Dean going to try for a Superplex through the table inside
the ring, but OWENS countered into a GIGANTIC FISHERMAN’S BUSTER!!!!!!
Owens up at 7 and Ambrose back up at 9! POP-UP
POWERBOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!
Owens continually screams stay down (which ironically would
probably help Ambrose if you think about it) and Ambrose comes back up at 9
again!
Owens sets up 5 chairs to go for a moonsault onto
Ambrose with Dean spread across
the chairs….when Dean in a last ditch effort sends Owens through the Double
table structure set up originally by Owens.
GAME SET MATCH THAT’S 10
YOUR WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION:DEAN AMBROSE!!!!!!!!!
There’s something about indy guys and fantastic Royal Rumble
PPV openers…Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt from 2014 being the most recent one
before this year. One HELL of a match that is a great way to use the Last Man
Standing gimmick in a PG environment.
9 out of 10 Bull’s eyes!
Craziest part of this match actually has nothing to do with
their title match: Both men are also part of the Royal Rumble so off of this
match alone, HUGE disadvantage no matter what number they enter.
Match 2:Tag Team Championships
The Usos (Jimmy and Jey) vs. The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E) w/Xavier
Woods
Recap of how Chris Jericho of the Band Fozzy would destroy
Xavier Woods’s trombone, Francesca that led to the Usos winning against the New Day to earn their shot.
Fans cheer NEW DAY ROCKS and Francesca(correct) as Kofi and
Big E come out…(for heels…they kinda suck because they get cheered lololol)
Originally there’s silence, followed by boos for the
silence…until Woods comes out with a new golden trombone, Francesca 2.
“A brother’s got needs….” Oh boy……
HORN OF THE UNICORN SIGN! YU GI OH CONFIRMED!!!!!
The Usos were heavily booed. That should say enough about
the booking…..and probably how bad it was to be associated with Roman on this
night.
The key to smark crowds is simple. Don’t force things down
our throats and we might actually pick who you want. Plus WWE called it
“Entertainment” that’s on the competitors.
The commentators wasted time trying to figure out Rooty tooty and booty rather than talk about the match. Also, I get that JBL is a heel commentator but the personal
attacks at Byron don’t feel like JBL directly insulting but more of Kevin Dunn
making sure that NxT talent is belittled.
SWEET Tornado DDT by Woods!Illegal, but still pretty freakin' sweet.
Various chants: “Play Francesca Clap clap clap clap clap”
“Heeeeeeeyyyyyy we want Francesca!”
Creative counter on the Superkick by Kofi, leading to a Big E splash.
Jimmy got BOOed bad. But he did have a SWEET Samoan Drop on
Kofi and a (slow) Whisper in the Wind on Big E
Jey with a splash from the top of the Barricade onto
Kofi…BIG E WITH A SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES to Jimmy!
SUPERKICK BY JIMMY! Splash by Jey….with Xavier swinging the
leg under the rope!
Suicide dive by Jimmy on Xavier….Big E takes him out with a
football tackle into (but not throu
gh) the barricade)
Blind Tag by Big E….SUPERKICK TO Kofi….BIG E Catches Jey’s
Splash attempt…INTO THE BIG ENDING! AND THAT’S GAME! Grooving to a win is The
New DAY!
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPION: NEW DAY!
6.5 out of 10 Bull’s eyes.
If the Usos had won the match, it would have been really raining boos in the Amway Center. Something tells me that the boos were foreshadowing for later.
After that match and a few commercials (why?) they recap the Highlight Reel segment that
attempted to paint Jericho as a threat….but it did make the Wyatts a great looking
threat.
Wyatt Promo: Strowman….Rowan…..Harper….and Bray.
Match 3: United States Championship
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Kalisto
One of the many things I tend to complain about with WWE is
that once something is taken from John Cena, they tend to discontinue their
emphasis on the title or prize that is on the line. Del Rio really did nothing with the title since beating Cena for the title.
Heck, the hot potato situation of the US title didn’t help matters at all for
both credibility of the title and the champion.
The fans counted in Spanish when Del Rio was in the
corner….and Kalisto with a nice Suicide Dive.
ENZUGURI!!!!!!!!! Del Rio’s best move honestly.
The commentators need a thesaurus. Coherance of the same
descriptions depletes the originality of the commentators.
NICE Frankensteiner. (NOTE: Frankensteiner is a Hurricanrana without the pin
attached at the end. A regular Hurricanrana ends with a pin)
Nice storytelling situation with the mask playing a factor
in Del Rio’s heat. That being said, just because Kalisto and Mysterio are
similar wrestlers, shouldn’t mean that-SUPERKICK BY DEL RIO-Kalisto’s comeback
and go to moves should be the same. Seated Sentons weren’t part of Kalisto’s
arsenal until he started this run as a main roster guy.
WHAT A TORNADO DDT by Kalisto!!!!!!
Del Rio with a reverse superplex that had a lot of force
behind it.
Kalisto botched a Yoshi Tonic. And I mean it was a bad one.
Double Footstomp dodged and Kalisto walks up the ropes into
his Salida del Sol! TWO COUNT!
Second botch of the match….but frankensteiner into an
exposed turnbuckle and SALIDA DEL SOL!!!!!!
WINNER AND NEW US CHAMPION: KALISTO
I feel bad for this match. Two great workers, but it
was really sloppy when considering how good they actually are. Chemistry not
entirely there.
5.75 out of 10 Bull’s Eyes.
Panel break (in other words…halftime and new bathroom break)
Recap of the preshow match (which sucked beyond belief)
Video package of Lynch vs. Flair plays as Divas are the Semi
Main event. Wonderful storytelling in the preview!
SEMI-MAIN EVENT:DIVAS Championship Match
Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte (Flair) (c)
Pardon me for this match….the partisan journalism will show
just a bit.
Lynch comes out, Steampunk resonating as the
Dropkick/Flogging knockoff music has the crowd going. Charlotte coming out with
her dad, The Nature Boy Ric Flair....And WE have legitimate in ring introductions! For as much crap
as the Divas Revolution has been given, it’s good that at least 1 title match
had this.
There’s a Steamboat/Flair vibe
going with this match. (The Arm
Drags definitely help this statement).
Clear good guy/bad guy differentiation
Alright let's just get the elephant out of the room shall we?
RAGE MOMENT: Ok, so in the current Network version of the
PPV, the following segment is edited out. But if you’re curious you can find
this on youtube or anywhere else. To help distract Becky, Ric Flair smooches
Becky Lynch which leads to Charlotte attacking from behind. I don’t know who’s
idea was this, but that was uncomfortable to watch. You could call it heel heat
or whatever, but there’s a reason why it was taken off of the Network coverage:
a few days later WWE was accused of being sexist and this was one of the pieces
of evidence. It may be pro wrestling but….that wasn’t needed. It completely
messed up the flow of the match and honestly the crowd (booing or otherwise)
sounded. Even JBL was struggling
to justify it for a bit. If it wasn’t in the confines of a match, I would
expect seeing your dad kiss your best friend on the lips like a playboy would
be awkward at the very least….but then again Charlotte has allowed mention and
even insult of her deceased brother in storylines so….God that was unsettling. (In any
other medium, that’s considered Sexual Assault/Sexual Harrassment).
Now let's get back to the in ring action as best as possible.
“That’s why I’m the champ” Charlotte borrowing from Kevin
Owens in terms of in Ring trash talking.
ELECTRIC Chair drop to escape the figure four neck lock.
Becky went for the exploder but nice counter into the
neckbreaker by Charlotte
Figure four attempt blocked by a punch, Becky's attempt of Charlotte tasting her own
medicine turned into a sloppy cradle.
Another variation of the neckbreaker by Charlotte, but Irish
whip (hahaha) countered into a half wrist clutch exploder (the full version is
Jun Akiyama’s, which this wasn’t) by Becky.
EXPLODER!
As much as I love Becky…her offense really doesn’t set the
Dis-Arm-Her up that well. Maybe a submission that focuses on the back or the
head would make more sense. With the Red hair and Irish stereotype, she could
use the Bow and Arrow Lock (Brave haha) or a Liontamer (the Boston Crab with
the knee into the back and neck).
Charlotte’s spears are equally as consistent Reigns. Part of
it is dependent on the seller, which sometimes hurts the use of the move.
Very nice roll into the Cross Armbreaker by Lynch!
Triangle choke transition, but Charlotte tries to go for a
powerbomb and it works!
Yet another two count! (The match at this point had
recovered enough at this point.
Charlotte goes for a baseball slide and hits her dad when
Becky bridges out.
Rage moment number 2: CONE DO YOUR JOB!!!!!!!!!
Ok, Becky goes for her finisher and Ric Flair is not only on the apron, but
throws his jacket at Becky. In essence that’s equal to throwing a shoe at
someone. It’s a foreign object, thus making it a disqualification. In these days, referees are blatantly
selective of what they call to the point of blatant disregard for what remains
of the rules. A) that’s a disqualification B) at least THROW THE OLD MAN OUT C)
This is BS.
Charlotte does an eye poke, hits a second spear and that’s the end of this
match.
DAMN IT!(Translated as Charlotte has effectively done her job and made me hate
her in storyline….)
Winner and Still Champion: Charlotte (Personal bias....BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
John Cone…this is the second title match that you’ve screwed
up, after last years Title match between Ambrose and Rollins.
Post match attack by Charlotte on Becky, which gives us…..SASHA
BANKS!!!!!!!!
Sasha attacks and takes out Becky (DAMN IT), teases an NxT
BFFs reunion….then attacks Charlotte and puts her in the Banks Statement!
(Charlotte should have sold it more…I feel bad for how Becky ended up)
Banks attacking both keeps character in tact, but attacking
Charlotte gives a reason to cheer.
Match: 6.75 out of 10 Bull’s eyes. Would have been 7.5 had
it not been for the Referee and Ric Flair.
Post match segment: 8.5 out of 10. Would have been higher if Becky wasn’t just
thrown to the wayside like that.
One last promo for Ride along and Wrestlemania 32 (WHY FLO RIDA FOR THE THEME
SONG?!?!?!?!?!) and then the main event.
Quick segment of a bunch of awesome and lucky fans who had
the privilege to experience the performance center.
MAIN Event: The Royal Rumble Match for the WWE World
Heavyweight Championship.
During this the various things will be noted: Most eliminations, Iron Man time, Winner, Shortest time, Kofi Kingston’s way of avoiding elimination, winning number and other moments worth noting.
Video package for the Royal Rumble that is narrated by Byron
Saxton (WHY NOT USE COREY GRAVES!????????? )While I understand the importance of the Championship being
up for grabs, the emphasis on Reigns started to become annoying about halfway
through the video promo. I GET IT! IT’S ALL ABOUT REIGNS!!!!!!!! X((((((
For the record, my predictions weren’t too great. I try to
use all the stats and crap to attempt to pick a number. I usually end up going
with 20 or 21. And it’s failed me for the last 2 or 3 years. I should have
learned to go with someone later….but whatever.
Also, the last time a Superstar that wasn’t a poster-child
looking superstar won, it was in 2006 with Rey Mysterio. So as much as a Kevin
Owens, Cesaro, Seth Rollins, and Daniel Bryan type person is beloved by the
majority of fans: Unless you’re at least 6 foot 2 and jacked, or just a giant
of a man….odds are you’re losing. Am I lying? From 2007 to 2015, the winners
were Undertaker, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, John
Cena (again), Batista, and Roman Reigns. Sad face.
Oh hey the actual Lilian Garcia is ring announcer….and
hesitated.
ENTRANT 1, Reigns was getting booed bad. (Why doesn’t that
surprise me?)
While I’ll try to keep up with everything, after the match itself, some
wrestlers may be grouped based on good, or bad performances
So Reigns is 1 and....
ENTRANT 2 IS RUSEV
This is a good start since these were
the last two in the Rumble in 2015, something that hasn’t happened since 2008
when the last two entrance of the previous Rumble (Shawn Michaels and the
Undertaker in 2007) were the first two entrants in the next Rumble.
Quick spear by
Roman…and Rusev is eliminated.
RAGE 3: So number 3 is coming out, and instead of focusing
on the Titantron….they keep the damn camera on Roman’s face. To the viewer,
they have no idea what the hell is going on, and the Royal Rumble’s spontaneity
and appeal is partially due to the crowd reactions on surprise appearances and
debuts. So for the camera man, this Shooter should put one in between the eyes:
whoever told you to stay Roman’s face should at the very least be kicked in the
nuts because in the heat of the moment, you missed a fantastic reaction. Thank
the lord that WWE’s youtube page gave separate highlights to this entrance
because after they released the extra footage, I perfectly synced it so I could
watch the aggregious Network coverage and the youtube one at the exact same
time flawlessly. Anyhow, when I
saw this live, I screamed bloody murder in joy as…
ENTRANT NUMBER 3 IS AJ STYLES!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP I WAS GEEKING
OUT ABOUT THAT!
STYLES CLASH ATTEMPT!!!!!!! PELE!!!!!!!!! Second Clash
countered into a Samoan Drop.
Entrant 4:Tyler Breeze! In Egyptian gear with selfie stick
(should have ran with it!)
BEAUTY SHOT on STYLES!!!!!!!!! But the crowd with a bunch of
AJ Styles Chants!
SUCH A COMBO by styles!
Styles puts up on shoulders, Reigns punches Breeze which
leads to Breeze going over off of AJ’s shoulders and eliminated.
Entrant number 5: The Social Outcasts all come out…..And
Curtis Axel, The uncrowned 2015 winner of the Royal Rumble, comes in (and I
guess he represents the Social Outcasts? Boo! I wanted Heath and Bo and Rose in
some for too!)
Axel and Styles getting the chants, with a nice knee by Axel
on Styles.
Reigns tries to eliminate Axel, but is distracted by Slater
who gets punched in the face
Styles with a sweet forearm on Adam Rose who does a sick
flip bump. (Honestly, that should have stood out more than it did, because that
was cool looking). Bo gets punched by Reigns. Reigns then kicks Axel in the
back of the thigh, leading to the Mr. Perfect bump, setting up AJ with the
clotheline on Axel to eliminate him.
ENTRANT 6:Chris Jericho (This I can appreciate,
because unlike the other part timers, Jericho tends to come out at early enough
times where stamina HAS to be appreciated.)
Seeing Jericho and Styles in the same ring together was
awesome (and then it happened on Raw and Smackdown and it was even better).
Entrant 7:KANE. I like this situation here. Kane was not
likely to win, but this spot gives him enough time to pad his number of
eliminations. It’s still a shame that Reigns broke Kane’s 13 year record of 11
eliminations in a single Rumble.
Entrant 8:Goldust! Hooray! I like Goldust, and I’m still
waiting for that final Goldust/Stardust match that Goldust deserves. Still has
a decent amount in the tank, as proven two years ago in his Tag Team Title run.
Entrant 9: Ryback comes down and there’s a surprising amount
of boos, which is a bit surprising. He’s revamped some of his moveset (even
though the Punk cheap shots aren’t needed any more). Feed me More chants make
it easier.
Entrant 10 with a HUGE POP For the NEW Day! Xavier Woods
looked to be the one going in, but the graphic spoils it by having Kofi
Kingston in (Which is still great). That being said…..not having Big E and Woods as official
entrants (at least that’s how it looks)
Ryback with a HUGE Back Body drop on AJ…but FLYING FOREARM by Styles on Jericho!
Right after Goldust tried to eliminate Styles, Woods says hi (nice TNA
reference there haha).
Entrant 11 with what could have been boos but was probably
dog sounds, Titus O’Neil.
House of Fire that Titus, and procedes to eliminate Goldust.
Kofi tries to eliminate Reigns (New Day should have tried to
help)
Entrant 12 is
R-Truth and HE PULLS OUT A LADDER!!!!!!!!!
R-Truth PULLS A Ladder and he thinks this is Money in the
bank or the Ladder match for a title and the crowd goes nuts!
(Should have tipped the ladder over). Kane drags him down
and eliminates him.
Kofi tries to eliminate Kane, Kane then nearly eliminates
Kofi, but Kofi Lands on Big E (Called it!) and Kofi procedes do a victory lap
on Big E’s shoulders as number 13 comes in.
Entrant 13 is Luke Harper of the Wyatt Family, otherwise
known as the BEST Wyatt in the ring. Kofi’s eating popcorn as Harper enters.
Shortly after Harper enters, the League of Nations (minus
King Barrett because he’s still injured? So Sheamus, Rusev, and Del Rio) come
out at the call of Vince McMahon, pull him through the bottom rope and procede
to mug him. And the cameras put the entire focus on this as the match
continues. If I miss an elimination due to this, I’m going to be pissed.
Superkick by Rusev, Superkick by Del Rio, and Brogue Kick by Sheamus:Roman Reigns is down.
In the midst of this attack, Entrant 14 is STARDUST!
Rusev running across the French and English announce tables
to Splash Reigns onto and break the Spanish announce table (eh, go figure.) He
also gets a group hug from McMahon and his cohorts. Stretcher is coming
out….and a logic break is about to come.
Entrant 15 (halfway there!) is The Big Show, who stares down
McMahon and the League to ensure he doesn’t get mugged. Anyhow, Logic Break.
LOGIC BREAK RAGE: if they mugged the crap out of him, why not dump him back in
and eliminate him. It wouldn’t be the first time someone illegally threw
someone over. Hell, dump him in, and have someone else IN the match throw him
over. Crappy writing.
Big Show eliminates Titus O’Neil as Reigns passes by on a
stretcher. He then knocks out
Ryback, who had already been thrown over the top by Kane but had held on.
Reigns is walking alongside the stretcher but not on it? If the damn man can
walk to the back, he can walk to the ring! BLATANT DISREGARD and WAY TOO
OBVIOUS! (Btw, where’s Kofi?)
Entrant 16 is Neville and he’s booking it to the ring right
past Reigns who is FINALLY on the damn stretcher. Springboard dropkick on
Harper, sweet strike sequence on Stardust, and a Springboard Frankensteiner on
Harper that was BEAUTIFUL!
Cuts back to Reigns who wants to walk back. If you can walk
to the back, you can walk to the ring dammit! No nap breaks for you! (2 Hours
23 minutes and 18 seconds is a good spot to pause for Reigns’s official time. I
would have done the same thing if this was possible in 1996 with Jerry Lawler
hiding under the ring…but then again that would be pretty impressive for a 2.5
year old wouldn’t it lol)
DAMMIT! During all the Roman Reigns crap apparently Jericho
eliminated Kofi. Was it before Big Show came into the ring or After? Well that
ruins me keeping track of this manually, I have to look it up now! DAMMIT.
AJ still getting cheered! And they were worried about him
not being recognized.
Entrant 17:Braun Strowman. Harper and Strowman, the two biggest threats that
aren’t leading are now in the match.
Immediately, Strowman eliminates Kane (legit surprised considering how easy
Kane and Undertaker dominated the Wyatts at Survivor Series.
Braun then chokes out Big Show, gets Show’s foot tangled on the top rope….and
then eliminates him. (well damn….Kane and Show down by the same guy in 30
seconds. Not bad).
Entrant 18:KEVIN OWENS!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! And he comes
down limping due to the opening match. What a dude!!!!!!!!(C’mon Roman, Owens
went through 2 Tables!)
And immediately starts brawling with AJ Styles! (YES YES YES
YES YES!!!!!!!! PWG THROWBACK!)
Neville throws Styles, who sunset flips back in…Styles cl-SUPERKICK BY
OWENS!!!!
“WELCOME TO THE WWE!!!!!!!” AND KEVIN OWENS ELIMINATES AJ
STYLES!!!!!!!!!!(Now that was smart booking!)
Styles being cheered even after elimination. What a debut!
Oh and Luke Harper goes “Bye Bye AJ” Nice touch!
Entrant 19: DEAN AMBROSE! YES! GREAT BACK TO BACK ENTRANTS!
Coming off of a Victory in the Last Man Standing match for the IC title over
Owens.
Owens and Ambrose immediately pick up from the opening match
and Ambrose is taped up in the shoulder.
WWE tried to make me focus on the League attack, but instead I focus on the
other screen! HA TAKE THAT!
Entrant 20: HOLY CRAP IT’S SAMI ZAYN!!!!!!! AND (since I’m
finishing this really late, I’m using this. If you translate Sami Zayn to
Arabic on google translate and then translate it back to English….>EL
GENERICO !!!!! EL GENERICO NUMERO UNO!!!!! SI! SI! I’M STILL ECSTATIC TO THIS
DAY!!!!! WOO HOOO!!!!!!!! LET’S GO!!!!!
ZAYN AND OWENS GO BRAWLING LIKE CRAZY TO THE BIGGEST POP OF THE NIGHT SINCE
AJ’S ENTRANCE!!!!!!!!GO SAMI GO!
OLE CHANTS START! AND ZAYN ELIMINATES KEVIN OWENS! FINALLY
SOME RETRIBUTION FOR 2015 FOR SAMI ZAYN!!!!!!! SAMI CHANTS GO!!!!!!
Entrant 21: Erick Rowan of the Wyatts. There are 3 Wyatts in
the match now….oh boy…..
Neville Hangs on, only to get FLATTENED with the Discus
Lariat by Harper.
Then Stardust set up by Rowan, and SUPERKICKED out by Harper (man, I like
Harper getting the eliminations).
Entrant 22: Mark Henry, who qualified via Pre Show match. Said it could possibly be his last, and
he does his best against the Wyatts…only to be slammed by Strowman. The Wyatts
team to eliminate Henry.
Harper with a HUGE boot on Zayn, followed by a club of a blow by Strowman, and
Strowman eliminates Zayn (BOOOOOOOOOOO!).
Entrant 23 is…..BROCK FREAKING LESNAR!!!!!!!!!!!
Big Reaction for Lesnar! 1!!!!!! 2!!!!!!!!! Rowan
Eliminated!!!!! 3 (two on Harper!) But couldn’t get Strowman (SAD FACE) But he
knocked him down.
Entrant 24: Jack Swagger (oh poor soul) And get’s F5’d….and (cue South Park)
He’s Gone.
4(AMBROSE) 5(HARPER)
Lesnar with some cool flying knees as 25 comes in.
Entrant 25: THE MIZ…his hood needs to go. The robe is fine. And he does the SMARTEST thing in the
match. Chooses to Sta-oh dammit. He was doing so well…then he said “I’ll turn
Suplex City into Mizney World”…..Whatever grade I’m giving him is going down
due to that alone. Please don’t make it trend.
Miz is in the match as much as Reigns is, so shut up Cole! 6
and 7 on Harper, 8 on Ambrose.
Smart move by Miz to stay out there. No complaints on this side. 9 On Harper…and Lesnar eliminated Harper!
Entrant 26 is Alberto Del Rio (that reminds me, the Usos and
Kalisto aren’t part of this? Not Cool! Should have made it a 40 man rumble).
10 on Del Rio.
AND LESNAR ELIMINATES STROWMAN!!!!!!!!!!! (THANK GOD!)
Entrant and lucky number 27….BRAY WYATT (MAN THAT’S A NICE
SPOT)
Staredown and pose by Wyatt…and The Wyatts surround Lesnar!
Part of me wants to count Lesnar dumping Strowman twice. 11
On Wyatt!
SUPERKICK TO BROCK to counter the F5, Sister Abigail by
Wyatt and instead of doing the eliminating himself, he uses his followers to
dump Lesnar for him. If I were Lesnar I would have went back in and Suplexed
the CRAP out of everyone left,
like Vader destroyed everyone in 1996.
Entrant 28: DOLPH ZIGGLER….to a quieter pop than in year’s
past. Batista’s wins are referenced…but it’s Ziggler.
Miz finally comes in, to try to eliminate Ziggler. It got
really quiet once Miz and Ziggler came in.
Entrant 29 is Sheamus (well…this makes sense….and is a bit nauseating….HEY
Roman Reigns is CHEATING DAMMIT! He took too long of a break! Not cool!!!!!
Such a cheater! Attacking the mayo from behind. Now he eliminates Miz….to a
chorus of Boos as he eliminates
Del Rio. Ziggler gets a bigger cheer as he tried to eliminate Reigns but
Superman punch happens. (2 hours 47 minutes 47. Therefore the time that should
be taken away from him would be…..24 minutes and 19 seconds.)
Wyatt is getting a few cheers for going after Reigns. Man, I
was enjoying the Rumble for a bit. Vince tried to give a conquering
hero…instead he gave a HUGE Villian for whoever number 30 is. Now….Bryan is
gone (WAAAAAAAAAH) And so is Cena and Orton (WHOO!) as well as Cesaro and
Rollins (BOOOOOO!)…who else storyline wise would make sense? Can YOU tell me
who comes out at number 30? I’ll give you as many guesses as how many Hs are in
Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
Final Entrant (WHAT a surprise) TRIPLE H. (I have a lot of mixed feelings about
this…but at the live time….I was cheering.) The crowd was chanting Triple H, so
once again writers and Vince, YOU FAILED WORSE THAN THE FAILURES I HAVE AT THE
GRADING PERIOD OF THIS REVIEW.
And then Triple H pedigreed Ziggler (ha, Burial). Reigns
Spears Wyatt (BOOOOOOOOO!) This is like Becky Lynch for Wyatt and Ziggler.
Reigns throwing some BOMBS and dude looks pretty legit
pissed, which makes perfect sense. Ambrose watches as Sheamus tries to come
back in. Wyatt with a Uranagi on Sheamus and Jericho woke up from the nap
Strowman gave him
DAMMIT the dropkick should have ended Reigns after a
beautiful Lionsault on Wyatt. Ziggler with the Zig Zag and SUPERKICKS HHH! Fame
Asser on HHH….but then eliminated by HHH.
Face off between Wyatt and HHH…(OOH THAT WOULD BE AN AMAZING
RIVALRY!)
WHAT A SHOT BY WYATT!!!!! Dammit….Brogue Kick by Sheamus on
Wyatt……AND Sheamus eliminated Wyatt?? BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reigns tries eliminated both men, but Enziguri by Jericho,
Ambrose tries to get Jericho, Sheamus tries to get Ambrose.
Cross body by Jericho, CODEBREAKER BY JERICHO ON HHH AND
AMBROSE ELIMINATES JERICHO!!!!!!!!
And with that, the Final Four is a sort of Stable battle:
The Authority (workout buddies Sheamus and Triple H) vs. What’s left of The
Shield (Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns). Two groan inducing candidates (Reigns
and Sheamus), one middle of the road candidate (Triple H) and the beloved one
(Ambrose).
Superman Punch on Triple H by Reigns. Brogue Kick by Sheamus
on Ambrose.
Sheamus tries one more Brogue, but Ambrose dodges and Sheamus gets hung up on
the Apron after going over. Reigns with a Superman Punch and Sheamus is
GONE!!!!!!
TRIPLE H IMMEDIATELY DUMPS REIGNS! VACANT IS CHAMPION
AGAIN!!!!!!!! REIGNS FINALLY GONE! NEW CHAMPION WILL HAPPEN!!!!!!SUCK IT and a
bunch of other cuss words.
TRIPLE H AND…..DEAN AMBROSE? WHAT A FINAL TWO!!!!!!!!
I didn’t realize how much I wanted Ambrose as champion until
now.
Ambrose psyching himself up as the announcers finally say
intelligent things.
Dean is punching and biting and headbutting and everything. Let’s Go Ambrose
chants rain down the Amway Center as finally a True baby face is facing the
Authority with the Title on the line. I had chills as this was happening.
LOCK AND LOAD WITH ONE MORE LUNATIC LARIAT!!!!!
Triple H tried the Pedigree…AMBROSE THREW HIM OVER BUT HHH
still on the apron! Tries a shoulder block and almost gets him. Knee by the
Game
And Ambrose is Back Body Dropped to the Floor AND THAT IS
THE GAME!
WINNER AND NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: THE COO AND THE CEREBRAL
ASSASSIN TRIPLE H.
So as the authority celebrate, here's some stats, and grades for the participants for the event.
Entrants by number: Roman Reigns, Rusev, AJ STYLES
(!!!!!!!!), Tyler Breeze, Curtis Axel, Chris Jericho, Kane, Goldust, Ryback,
Kofi Kingston, Titus O’Neil, R-Truth, Luke Harper, Stardust, Big Show, Neville,
Braun Strowman, Kevin Owens, Dean Ambrose, Sami
Zayn(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), Erick Rowan, Mark Henry, Brock Lesnar, Jack
Swagger, The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, Bray Wyatt, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, Triple H
(!...?)
Order of Elimination: Rusev, Breeze, Axel, Goldust, R-Truth,
Kofi Kingston, Titus O’Neil, Ryback, Kane, Big Show, AJ Styles, Kevin Owens,
Neville, Stardust, Henry, Zayn, Rowan, Swagger, Harper, Strowman, Lesnar, Miz,
Del Rio, Ziggler, Wyatt, Jericho, Sheamus, Reigns, Ambrose, Triple H (WINNER)
Now here are the Grades for All Superstars that participate(Does not include the announcers, commentators, authority figures, Paul Heyman, or Ric Flair).
First, the Grades for the Non- Rumble Participants
Darren Young-He had to qualify and Titus didn't? Man, that's messed up. Not to mention he was the less cheered member of his team and couldn't qualify for the Rumble. Bad night for Darren:D
Damien Sandow –The only reason for his grade: He's over. The Crowd was begging for Sandow the entire Pre Show match. No A because he didn't win, but this is deserved. Bt
Bubba Ray and D-Von- They took one of the final blows, and honestly they didn't do worse or better than each other so same grade. They didn't win and the crowd wasn't behind them: C
Konnor and Viktor-They were pinned. And irrelevant. D
Big E-He stood out the most in the Tag Team Championship match and got the pinfall. Sucks he wasn't in the Rumble match. B++
Xavier Woods-He hit his spots, was his annoying self, helped the New Day with the victory and now has Francesca 2. B+
Kalisto-Sloppy match but Two Tie US Champ. B
The USOs-B for the match, D for the reaction, so C overall.
Becky Lynch-Good match but too much Ric. Plus how she was booked in the end was horrendous. C-
Charlotte-She retained....thats all. C
Sasha Banks-No match but biggest impact. A
Heath Slater and Bo Dallas- they teased being in the Rumble....then sent Curtis Axel as a representative. Really funny pre show segment though so that was helpful. C+ for both.
King Barrett-I don't know what the exact deal is, but he's wasn't even part of the Rumble mugging.....and he didn't come out with Del Rio for the US title match. Extremely disappointing. Did he even have any lines during the pre show? D--
Adam Rose- Now why did I separate Rose from the rest of the outcasts? Because out of all the eliminations and sells during the Rumble, Rose doing a flip after getting hit was honestly the best physical sell. Due to that alone, he stood out among the non participants in the Rumble. B
Analysis of the participants based off of both rumble
results and pre rumble matches. (some grades will be higher in various
categories. Like a disappointment might get a C whereas a run of the mill may
still get a D due to expectations and momentum) The Numbers are when they were
eliminated, not what position they entered.
Disappointments/YOU FAILED
1)Rusev- The dude was one of the last two of the previous year, he had
eliminated 6 guys and this year he’s the first one gone. Oh how the mighty have
fallen off their army tanks. Time in the rumble-1 minute and approximately 30
seconds and eliminated by Roman Reigns (1) 0 Eliminations. While he did come back later in the
Rumble to attempt to take Roman out via injury and while he did have a nice
Splash onto the SPANISH announce table, his impact in the Rumble is the epitome
of disappointing Grade:D
8)Ryback-at the beginning of January when Wrestlemania
season began, he was pegged as one of the favorites before the WWE Championship
was on the line. From there on out he was around….but pretty much out. Now with
those expectations, why would I put him with Rusev here? Because even though he
wasn’t pegged to win, he’s supposed to be a threat. Dude had a great rumble in
2013, being the runner up to John Cena, and had decent runs in 2014 and 2015.
The fact that he’s just fodder this year AND no eliminations sticks him here.
Bad Rumble for The Big Guy.
Time:12 minutes 30 ish seconds, eliminated by Big Show (2),
0 Eliminations. Grade: F
13)Neville- this one may be surprising, and even a bit
unfair. While Neville is a guy who wasn’t really expected to do too much, and
for what he did it was fine. But (as legitimate or not the Slammys are or the
other various gimmick prizes that aren’t the Rumble are) if you’re Breakout
Star of the Year and you barely do anything in the Rumble, you MORE than
underachieved. Was a valiant
effort but I can’t justify putting him in any of the other categories. Time:10
minutes and change, eliminated by Luke Harper (1), 0 eliminations . Grade: D+
15)Mark Henry-You did an interview where he said this could
be his final rumble (sin). You forced him to qualify at the pre show (sin). You
teamed him with Swagger, but got overshadowed by Sandow (sin). He enters the
Rumble, holds his own for like 15 seconds, then gets eliminated quickly. (sin)
Hall of Pain? More like Hall of Sins. Time; 47 seconds. R-TRUTH LASTED LONGER.
Eliminated by Strowman (3), Harper (3), and Rowan (1). 0 eliminations. Grade: F
23)Alberto Del Rio-man this dude had a bad night. Lose the
US title, come into the Rumble, no eliminations from someone who won the 1 40
man Rumble? How have the mighty have fallen….more like how the mighty were
screwed when he beat John Cena for the title. The writers have beyond punished
Del Rio’s credibility. His highlight was a mugging that honestly only HELPED
Reigns stay in the rumble.
At least Rusev finished on a high note, Del Rio’s night was not in Orlando.
Time: 7 minutes, eliminated by Roman Reigns (4), 0
eliminations. Grade F-
28)Roman Reigns-This has nothing to do with his performance
while he was in the ring. That was run of the mill. What dragged him down so
low was not only the predictability but also the failure of crowd direction, as
well as the oversaturation (to which is not his fault.) I do not hate Roman
Reigns. I actually like him. As much as I like Stardust. That being said, he
was doomed from the start. Having the match be all about him was guaranteed to
bring boos since Vince continuously shoves him down the fans throats. To make
matters worse, the way he’s taken out is nowhere near illogical. Add in the
missed camera angles, entrances, and eliminations ruined because of his
storyline’s writing, and it made what would have been a good 3.5 to 4 star
Rumble sink until he was eliminated. The illogical fallacies with Reigns’s
booking was mirroring the horrific and inconsistent refereeing by John Cone in
the Divas Championship match and the fans let him have it, deserved or
otherwise. His performance in the ring admittedly was a B+. Most eliminations
while legally in, and will go in the record books as the Iron Man. But his
booking, and the fact that in the end, he loses the Championship to the
storyline enemy is more than enough justification to put him in this category.
Time:59:48 (minus 24:19=35:29). Eliminated by Triple H (2), 5 eliminations
(Tyler Breeze, Rusev, The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus). Grade: (B+ added to an F- on booking divided by
the two grades)Considering situation, mugged and break otherwise….C
Underachievers/Left to be desired
2)Tyler Breeze-While he had a great 2015 in NxT as the gateman to the
developmental brand and a great first month on the main roster, his push was
dropped by Vinnie Mac since Vince doesn’t understand how to use new talent and
Kevin Dunn (one of Vince’s right hand men) goes out of his way to screw up
Triple H’s NxT talent. So, to be
in there less than a minute was actually to be expected. At least he hit the
Beauty Shot on Styles and technically, he could always claim it took two people
to eliminate him so, it could have been worse. Time: 1 min 18 seconds and
eliminated by AJ Styles (1) and Roman Reigns (2), 0 eliminations Grade:C-
4)Goldust-He wasn’t expected to do too much, so normally it
wouldn’t be hard to call his appearance run of the mill, but since Stardust and
himself didn’t interact at all makes this an underachieving run. Not entirely
Goldust’s fault since they needed someone for Titus to eliminate, but it could
have been a better run. Time:6 minutes 18 seconds, eliminated by Titus
O’Neil(1), zero eliminations, Grade:C-
6)Kofi Kingston-Kofi sadly has a niche in the Rumble: How
does he survive elimination. He’s going to get eliminated, but how will he
dodge it first? Unless something changes, he’s had his time and it’s very saddening.
Plus unlike other years, being caught by Big E was highly predictable. From
handstands and jumping from barriers to predictability lands Kofi in this
category. Also, with the rest of the New Day not participating, similar to the
Social Outcasts, it dampened the appearance even more. His saving grace in this event was his performance in the Tag Team Championship match. Time:8:26, eliminated by
Chris Jericho (1), 0 eliminations. Grade:C
14)Stardust-I could put him run of the mill, but that’s the
thing. While he’s higher than the disappointments, its only because he really
wasn’t expected to do damage. He was more of a threat in his past life as Cody
Rhodes, who had the most eliminations in 2012. But Cody…err Stardust didn’t do
anything. Didn’t help that Goldust was already gone by then and he barely
interacted with Neville on a signinficant basis. Time: 14 minutes and change,
eliminated by Luke Harper (2), 0 eliminations. Grade::C--
18)Jack Swagger- I put his tag team partner, who did better
in the disappointment category, yet I have Swagger as just an underachiever.
Why? Less expectations.
Time:30 seconds (Cole said 15 but I don’t listen to Cole).
Eliminated by Brock Lesnar (2), 0 Eliminations. Grade:D
21)Brock Lesnar-Yeah, he’s supposed to be up higher. But
other than the Wyatts and Swagger….Lesnar made much less of an impact than he really
could have. 11 suplexes in my book were still not as much as he could have and
being eliminated by less than 4 guys diminishes the aura for him as well. That
being said, it moved the Rumble story along well and the way he was eliminated
is technically justified. Time: 9 and a half Minutes, 11 suplexes, elminated by
Strowman (5), Harper (4), and Rowan (2)(All already eliminated beforehand), 4
eliminations (Erick Rowan, Luke Harper, Braun Strowman, Jack Swagger)Grade:C+
25)Bray Wyatt-I could call him disappointing due to lack of
eliminations, time in the Rumble and the fact that he automatically
underachieved since he lost at number 27. That being said, his stareoff with
Triple H created a great possibility for a face turn later on, as well as
orchestrating Lesnar’s elimination (even if he didn’t do the eliminating) was
enough to salvage him out of disappointment. Time: 11 Minutes, 25 seconds. Eliminated by Sheamus(GROSS)
(1), 0 eliminations-Grade:C
Run of the Mill/Eh…/Could be worse.
3)Curtis Axel-If nothing else, the gimmick he had for a year
did work because people started to cheer for him. Axelmania ran wild for 6
months before Hulk Hogan got in trouble, and he was still able to use the fact
that he was never eliminated. He’s in the run of the mill because lets face it,
he’s a jobber that could have been used as comedy fodder more. But, he at least
got in this year. Sadly no perfect plex and the rest of the Social Outcasts
were taken out due to this segment of the Rumble so no Rose, No Bo, and No Slater.
Props again to Adam Rose for the sweet sell. Time: 1 minute 30 seconds,
eliminated by AJ Styles (2), 0 eliminations, Grade:D+
5)R-Truth-Truth was there for one reason: the comedic
elimination. And boy did he do that well! Why isn’t this above run of the mill?
Because there was no dialogue with any of the other participants (but it got
Xavier Woods to laugh). That being said, good placement, good spot, and it also
adds to Kane’s count. Time:58 seconds, eliminated by Kane (1), zero
eliminations but the greatest ladder spot in the Rumble from memory. Grade:B-
9)Kane-Always a threat, but not to win. Dude has 40+
eliminations in his career and that probably won’t be broken in the near future
(unless Roman Reigns is booked to do so….DAMMIT) He got his elimination and
eliminating him is still a feat no matter what anyone else says. Better use of
him this year compared to last year so no complaints here. Time:19 minutes.
Eliminated by Braun Stroman (1), 1 elimination (R-Truth) Grade: C
10)Big Show-Similar to Kane, always a threat, could win (but that’s why he won the
Battle Royal last year right?).
Eliminating Big Show is always a feat considering he’s usually the biggest
guy in the match. Last year was appauling use of him and Kane so having them
gone at the halfway mark was good. Time: 5 minutes, eliminated by Braun
Strowman (2),2 eliminations (Titus O’Neil and Ryback), Grade:C+
17)Erick Rowan-while he did better than expectation….it
wasn’t on his own merits. He had a third of two separate eliminations. Didn’t
do much else. But not much was expected out of the weakest member of the
Wyatts. Time:4 and a half minutes. Eliminated by Brock Lesnar (1), 2*
eliminations (Mark Henry, Brock Lesnar*). *=after being eliminated. Grade:B
22)The Miz- Not a lot of expectations but what he did do in
the Rumble was smart. Once he got in he barely left any memory other than being
Reigns’s first victim after his slumber backstage. But a performance I can
accept considering it was the Miz. Time: 9 minutes. Eliminated by Roman Reigns
(3), 0 eliminationsGrade: would have been a C, but then he said Mizney
World. So D/D+
24)Dolph Ziggler- He had the spark from last year….but had
the same results, thrown away like a 6 month old sandwich. He had some of the
biggest pops in the past because fans wanted to root for him and see him
succeed, but since WWE has continually fed him to every person coming up and
coming in and returning, there’s no more faith in him anymore. Credibilty gone
way before Del Rio’s. Worst part is that him basically being Triple H’s bitch
in this match was poetic. It’s only fitting that the wrestler who puts everyone
else over is the sacrificial lamb for the heralded part-timer. What stops this
from being a failure is that….this was kind of expected. Ziggler is the butt of
WWE’s plans. Time: 7 minutes, Eliminated by Triple H (1), 0 eliminations.
Grade: D
27)Sheamus-placement made storyline sense, being attacked
and eliminated by Reigns made sense, antagonizing the crowd favorites and
helping Triple H. All good points for Sheamus. Did what was expected, but I
just don’t think there were enough people left for Sheamus to do better than a B+
at best and this wasn’t a B+. Time: call it 8 and ¾ minutes. Eliminated by
Roman Reigns (5), 1 elimination (Bray Wyatt) Grade:C
Above expectation/Satisfied/Surprise
7)Titus O’Neil-Titus coming into this match did have some
momentum so I figured he would get a hot run going and be out due to a dumb
decision. He stays in long enough to get an elimination and gets eliminated by
the biggest dude in the match. No complants on this one, good solid run by
barking football midcard dude. Time:9 minutes 6 seconds, eliminated by Big Show
(1), 1 elimination (Goldust). Grade: B+
16)SAMI ZAYN-Ok…ok….I have a huge wrestling crush on Sami
Zayn very similar to my fandom of Daniel Bryan. I loved his mentor El Generico
on the indys. Zayn is the perfect mimicker to that and more. To be able to come
out to honestly the 2nd biggest pop of the night at that point,
eliminate arguably the best pure villain on the roster, and hold your own
considering you’re still labeled NxT? That’s a great appearance right there. Best part? He continued his war with
Owens. Storytelling at its finest! What stops this from being top notch? He got
eliminated by Strowman. Could have lasted longer but was enjoyable while it
lasted. Time:5 minutes (eh, that’s a coincidence. See Owens, Kevin). Elimnated
by Braun Strowman (4), 1 elimination (Kevin Owens) Grade: B
19)Luke Harper- I’ve been a huge fan of Harper since at
least 2011, when I discovered that a big guy like him could do step-up
frankensteiners and suicide dives…and Superkicks. The dude had 2 and 2/3rds
eliminations on the night with some good ones on Neville and Stardust. Better
than his performance two years ago. Time:14 minutes, eliminated by Brock Lesnar
(3), 4* eliminations(Neville, Stardust, Henry, Lesnar*) *-See Rowan, Erick. Grade:
A--
26)Chris Jericho-While the stats will say otherwise, in
terms of actually staying in the match and competing until elimination, the
true Iron man of This rumble was Chris Jericho. While it seemed like he tended
to attack basically every favorite of the fans, he had a legitimate time out
there, got an elimination that made storyline sense, and created intrigue when
he faced off with Styles, Triple H, Reigns, and Ambrose. A few more
eliminations would have pushed him over the top but Y2J with another great
Rumble appearance. Overhyped coming in, but backed up enough to earn a high
rating and grade. Time:51 minutes. Eliminated by Dean Ambrose (1), 1
elimination (Kofi Kingston), Grade: B++
Superior
11)AJ STYLES- The Face of TNA and the Top Gaijin of New
Japan finally comes to WWE and makes an immediate splash! While people knew he
was coming, no one really thought he could start off at the Rumble in the
Rumble match for the Title but he did. He outshined EVERYONE that he was in
there with, especially Roman Reigns. Still a little ticked about his entrance,
but two eliminations is nothing to scoff about and a great amount of time in,
overall great booking here. Time: Call it 30 minutes. Eliminated by Kevin Owens
(1) (who was honestly the ONLY guy they would accept Styles being eliminated by
without any huge backlash), 2 eliminations (Tyler Breeze and Curtis Axel),
Grade: A
12)Kevin Owens:I was tempted by both personal favoritism and circumstance to put him in the highest category but I’ll justify putting Owens and Titus in the same section. On the low side, he didn’t last very long, he only had 1 elimination, and to the casual fan, Owens got eliminated by a CURRENT NxT guy. And the casual fan (rightfully) believes that NxT is predominantly WWE’s Triple A affiliate;The final minor league to the main roster. On the plus side, and why he’s up in this category: He was the right and only guy to eliminate AJ Styles, he did it early enough in the Rumble to avoid ending controversy, he was in the Rumble amidst the hellacious Last Man Standing match where he went through three tables and drove his opponent through a fourth, and the person eliminating him is not only the biggest victim of his superior 2015, but his rival stretching all the way back to his beginnings in IWS in Canada. Finally, he had the match of the night with Dean Ambrose. Now that’s a story right there. Time: 5 minutes. Eliminated by Sami Zayn (1), 1 elimination (AJ Styles) Grade: A-
20) Braun Strowman- I don’t like this, but I have to give
credit where it is due: like it or not, Strowman was responsible for 3 solid
eliminations and was 1/3 of two more. Plus the girth of the eliminations: Kane,
Lesnar, Show, Henry. Add Sami Zayn to that and that’s good quality of
eliminated. I don’t think he deserves a big push yet but if he proves himself
later on I think it’ll be good. Great performance from the former Rosebud (YEA
I WENT THERE!). Time:18 minutes. Eliminated by Lesnar (4), 5* eliminations
(Kane, Big Show, Mark Henry, Sami Zayn, Brock Lesnar*)*=see Harper, Luke. Grade:A-
29)Dean Ambrose-What a night for him, retain the IC title in
the match of the night, enter at a great number in 19, make it to the final 2
and have the entire crowd proving to Vince McMahon that you had the wrong
Shield member the entire time, and finishing runner up. Dean was already a
star, but seeing him with Triple H didn’t seem anywhere out of place, heck it
seemed just right. Ambrose, if he didn’t prove it before, it better be written
now, HE’s the main eventer the fans do get behind. Time:30 minutes. Eliminated
by Triple H (3), 1 elimination (Chris Jericho) Grade:A
30)Triple H-While others will argue his placement here
considering the easy road, Triple H wins the WWE World Heavyweight
Championship. Biggest winner hands down. Doesn’t matter the amount of
eliminations. For being a bad guy, he was the conquering hero up until the
final 2, then he played his role properly. The fans didn’t want Reigns and they
got what they wanted: Reigns not being the champ. Triple H continues the
pattern of Adonis/Big guys winning the Rumble, but storyline wise, it was the
best choice. Now its up to those damn writers to concoct a story that ends with
a face Reigns or a better person in general going after the title at
Wrestemania.
Time:9 mintues. WINNER , with 3
eliminations (Dolph Ziggler, Roman Reigns, and Dean Ambrose) Grade: Well…he won
the title and got the correct response at the end: A.
Final Results:WINNER Triple H @ #30
Most Eliminations:Braun Strowman and Roman Reigns (5)
Iron Man (in record books):Roman Reigns 59:48
Iron Man (taking into break) Chris Jericho: 51 Minutes
Biggest Pops:Styles, Zayn, Lesnar, Triple H, Ambrose
Biggest Boos: Roman Reigns
Shortest time in rumble:Jack Swagger, 30 seconds.
Match: 7 out of 10 Bull’s Eyes.
PPV: 7 out of 10 Bull’s Eyes.
Best Match: Ambrose vs. Owens.
Worst matches: The Pre Show Tag Team Match, and The US Championship match.
Winners on the Night: Damien Sandow on the Pre Show,
Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens for Match of the night. The New Day for basically
ruiling over the tag team division, Sasha Banks for a triumphant return, AJ
Styles for his debut, Chris Jericho for his performance, Titus O’Neil for a
good performance, R-Truth for the ladder match segment, The Wyatts for a
dominating middle of the match, especially Luke Harper and Braun Strowman,
Kevin Owens (again) and Sami Zayn for the ultimate example of storyline
continuity
BIGGEST WINNERS: Dean Ambrose for his hellacious night and Triple H For Winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Biggest Losers of the night: , Henry
and Swagger for their Abysmal performances after pulling out an ugly victory in
a bad preshow match, Kalisto and Del Rio for an underperformance, The Usos for
getting booed, Becky Lynch for her booking, Charlotte and Ric Flair for how the
match went down and the controversy that followed it, Rusev and Del Rio for their falls of graces, Ryback for such
a disappointing showing, Kofi Kingston, just because that save was predictable,
Dolph Ziggler for the cherry on top of his underappreciated value, and most
importantly…
Biggest Losers: The Writers for overexposing Reigns. Vince, for his delusional thinking that he could pull of Reigns being an underdog, and ROMAN REIGNS. Because while he may have gotten some buys….he didn’t get the reaction and was overexposed.
