Hello one more time Shooters and marks alike!
Considering the last two posts, it only makes sense to do this one now:
This is the Smark Shooting WrestleMania 32 Preview!
WrestleMania is for Wrestling as the World Series is to baseball, The Super Bowl is to Football, and the season finale is to pretty much any episodic television series. Since the mid 80s, WrestleMania has been the staple and apex for any wrestler in the Wrestling business and the most important night to 99% of Wrestling fans. In WWE the top 4 PPVs (similar to the Grand Slam in Tennis and Golf) are where you need to make the biggest impact, and WrestleMania is the Masters or the Wimbledon of Professional Wrestling. (In other words, the best show of the year is supposed to be this one.) While there have been other events that oppose the importance, like TNA's Bound for Glory, Chikara's King of Trios, PWG's Battle of Los Angeles, and New Japan's Wrestle Kingdom, all are based off of WrestleMania in terms of the theatrics and the importance.
People who succeed at WrestleMania and make their mark are forever remembered. It made Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant national and world Icons at Wrestlemania 3, Gave multiple performers their first World Heavyweight Championships, like Macho Man Randy Savage, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and John Cena. Unforgettable performances such as Steamboat/Savage for the IC title at WM3, Brother vs. Brother at WMs 10 (Bret and Owen Hart) and 14 (Undertaker/Kane 1), The vast ladder/Tables Ladders and Chairs matches (WM 10 w/Michaels and Razor Ramon, WM16-17 w/ The Hardys, Dudleys, and Edge and Christian, not to mention the first 6 Money in the Bank Ladder Matches), and star-making highlights such as Austin's performance at WM 13 vs Bret Hart and 14 vs. Michaels, The Austin/Rock Trilogy, Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero standing together as World Champions at 20, Hogan vs. The Rock at 18, Ric Flair's final WWE match at 24, Undertaker vs. Michaels at 25/26, Daniel Bryan's Miracle at 30, and Seth Rollins's Grand Theft last year at 31.
For years, Wrestlemania 3 held the attendance record with 93,000+ in attendance. That could change this year, with AT&T Stadium expecting over 100,000 in attendance.
Compared to past build-ups and match cards, this particular at first glance is abysmal considering the direction WWE WANTED to go in versus how the fans are currently cheering. While expected to be one of the best shows of the year, it is admittedly in danger of being out-shined in terms of quality by it's own sibling, NxT Takeover Dallas. However, with all the content and potential for break-out performances despite the booking and buildup, the night should be one of expected grandeur and intrigue.
On Sunday, April 3 there are 11 matches scheduled for Wrestlemania. Out of these matches, 3 of them will be in the WrestleMania Pre-Show that will air on both the WWE Network and USA Network from 5-7. The remaining 8 matches, alongside possible in-ring and backstage segments, the Hall of Fame segment, and *shudders* a potential performance from Flo-Rida (I can't even with this stupid choice for a featured artist at Mania) will be from 7-11 (not withstanding any extra time they go over).
WrestleMania Pre-Show
Hour 1
United States Championship Match: Kalisto (c) vs. Ryback
Hour 2
The Usos (Jimmy and Jey Uso) vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von)
Team Total Divas (Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Natalya, and Eva Marie (YUCK!)) vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde (Lana, Naomi, Tamina Snuka, Emma, and Summer Rae)
The 20-Man Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Heath Slater vs. Curtis Axel vs. Adam Rose vs. Bo Dallas vs. The Big Show vs. Kane vs. Goldust vs. R-Truth vs. Mark Henry vs. Jack Swagger vs. Darren Young vs. Fandango vs. Konnor vs. Viktor vs. Tyler Breeze vs. Damien Sandow vs. ? vs. ? vs. ? vs. ?
WrestleMania Main Card
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
"The Cerebral Assassin" Triple H (c) vs. Roman Reigns
Hell in a Cell Match (If Shane wins, he takes control over Raw and Undertaker can never wrestle at WrestleMania again. If Shane loses, Vince McMahon and the Authority keep control of Raw)
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker
No Holds Barred Street Fight
"The Lunatic Fringe" Dean Ambrose vs. "The Beast Incarnate" Brock Lesnar
Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sin Cara vs. Stardust vs. Zack Ryder
Divas Championship Triple Threat Match
Charlotte (c) w/Ric Flair vs. "The Boss" Sasha Banks vs. "The Lass Kicker" Becky Lynch
Grudge Match
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
Stables Grudge match that for some damn reason isn't for the WWE World Tag Team Championships
The New Day (Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods) vs. The League of Nations (Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Rusev, and King Barrett)
For the record, feel free to skip matches if you don't want to read through everything. The matches won't necessarily be in order, but the reviews will be more positive and the matches will have more importance the further down you read from here:
Match 1: The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz
I won't spend too much time on this match. On the night Daniel Bryan retired, the Usos (Samoan Twins and the sons of WWE Hall of Famer Rikishi) and the Dudleyz (ECW cult Tag Team known for putting their opponents through tables) had teamed up in an 8-man tag against the New Day and Mark Henry. After the match, Bubba Ray and D-Von turned on the Usos and put them through tables. You would think that from then to now there would be more buildup and more personal intrigue right? Nah, to be quite honest, creative and the writers just didn't put much build. Both teams are less popular than when either returned, and both just weren't up to snuff when they had their separate opportunites at the Tag Team Championships. The only hope for this match is that they add a Tables match stipulation. Otherwise, this will be a run of the mill opening tag team contest. The Dudleyz to their credit have been not only bullying the Usos, but also getting under their cousin's skin (Roman Reigns). The Usos have put the Ascension (Konnor and Viktor..two apocalyptic characters) through tables in response.
Prediction: No one gives a damn about this match, and honestly the fact that this isn't a Tables match isn't helping. If the Lord is merciful, they'll give the match to the Usos, have them get comeuppance and end the feud.
Match 2:United States Championship Match
Kalisto (c) vs. Ryback
If you were to ask any of the other various WWE fans on why this match is happening, they probably would give you a confused and frustrated look. I'm with them on the frustration, but this story is actually pretty easy to tell.
Back in November, WWE Champion Seth Rollins had to vacate his championship and a Championship tournament. Among the first round match-ups was Ryback and Kalisto...and Kalisto had won in what was at the time a huge upset. Ever since then, Kalisto has grown in performance, culminating in multiple US Championship victories against Alberto Del Rio. Kalisto even beat Del Rio one more time last month at WWE Fastlane, in a 2 out of 3 falls match. In the meantime, Ryback has slowly megamorphed from an airbrushed singlet-wearing muscle head....to a Goldberg tights wearing meathead. He clinched a win in a 6 man tag against the Wyatts (THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!). He then turned on the Big Show and Kane the next night, and (ironically) started preaching Vince McMahon's philosophy on WWE Superstars: Big Superstars are always better. In lieu, you have the classic David vs. Goliath, if Goliath was actually pretty athletic. There is little heat, but at least there's some logic behind this.
Prediction: Kalisto retains because Ryback will just attack him after the match.....just like when Ryback lost to Mark Henry at WM 29.
Match 3: Team Total Divas(Brie Bella, Paige, Natalya, Alicia Fox, and Eva Marie (YUCK!) vs. Team Beautiful and Dangerous and Blonde (B.A.D. and Blonde)(Lana, Naomi, Emma, Tamina Snuka, and Summer Rae)
After Brie Bella lost to Charlotte at WWE Fastlane last month, she started feuding with Lana. At least with this match so far, Lana get's a chance to get into the ring. During the buildup, we've seen Lana recruit the remnants of Team B.A.D. (Naomi and Tamina, the two ladies left by Sasha Banks), as well as former rival Summer Rae(the former lover of Lana's fiancee Rusev), and the NxT refreshed Emma(cute bubbly Aussie who went badass). In response, Brie(1/2 of the Bella Twins, and the wife of Daniel Bryan) went and recruited her fellow Total Divas reality show members Paige (British Gothic hottie), Alicia Fox (Paige's best friend and psychopath), and Natalya (The only active member of the Famed Hart Family that is now relegated to making everyone else look good and whining to her injured husband Tyson Kidd on TD). Eva Marie (YUCK!) would join them to even the odds.
(My personal aside: Eva Marie is probably the best at getting people to hate her, because everything seems to just be handed to her due to her looks. Now while she's improved enough to earn a spot on the roster (nxt or main roster), she's still nowhere near the credibility of her fellow Divas. Rant done)
Prediction: Lana's team wins after Eva Marie (YUCK!) turns on team Total Divas. Also for the record 70% of this match has been a cast member of Total Divas.
MAIN CARD TIME!
Possible side segments: At least 1 to 2 legends segments, a segment with The Rock, Stone Cold, and John Cena blabbing about WrestleMania and disregarding the other talent's time because apparently they can't be bothered to help the main roster (ok....Cena and Austin might), an Authority Segment with HHH and the McMahons (Vince, Shane, and Stephanie), and a Hall of Fame acknowledgment. Oh and a stupid Flo Rida performance. Rant done.
Match 4:Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
This match started two years ago @ WrestleMania 30 with Cesaro Body Slamming Andre the Giant over the top rope (which was exciting). Last year The Big Show eliminated Damien Miz/Sandow to win (borefest....but hey he finally won a Battle Royal so that works out).
This year, instead of the 30 man format, they're decreasing the amount of participants to 20.
Confirmed so far are the Social Outcasts (Heath Slater -Rock wannabe, Curtis Axel-Mr. Perfect's son and never eliminated from the 2015 Royal Rumble, Adam Rose-weirdo who used to throw party, and Bo Dallas-inspirational speaker who beat Flo Rida in a rap battle), The Big Show(Defending Champion and Giant dude), Kane (Devil's favorite Demon and 1/2 of both The Brothers of Destruction and Team Hell No), Tyler Breeze (Model with Fuzzy Selfie Stick), Goldust (former homosexual crazy person that is in twilight of career), R-Truth(Funny but delusional crazy dude that is missing Little Jimmy), Darren Young (forgotten member of the Prime Time Players), Mark Henry (World's Strongest Man), The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor....apocalyptic dudes), Jack Swagger (Patriotic Alpha dude), Fandango (lord of the Dance....and FANDANGOING!), and Damien Sandow (Savior of the masses that should be doing better than his is right now. That would leave 4 spots. Originally it would have been easy to fill the spots, because a major group of wrestlers currently doesn't have a WrestleMania match, The Wyatt Family. However, Luke Harper was injured, so after Bray Wyatt (Leader of the Wyatts), Braun Strowman (Giant Powerhouse Black Sheep), and Erick Rowan (White sheep that tend to stay semi-irrelevant), there's still 1 spot left. My guess for that spot is going to be 1 of the following:
A)A returning Titus O'Neill from Suspension,
B)John Cena (Because he could),
C) Seth Rollins because that would be awesome
D) Randy Orton, because you can never have enough RKOs,
E)Hornswoggle because comedic and redundant relief,
F)El Torito because See E plus Lucha libre
G)Carlito, accompanied by the returning Colon cousins from their delusional trip as Matadores
H)Alex Riley, because he's not doing anything on the Main or NxT roster
I)Someone from NxT Takeover who had an amazing performance (Austin Aries, Baron Corbin, Apollo Crews, Elias Sampson, Shinsuke Nakamura, Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, Jason Jordan, Chad Gable, Scott Dawson, Dash Wilder)
J) A Legend/Hall of Famer/Commentator (Booker T, Tatanka, Mick Foley, JBL, Jerry Lawler)
K)Cesaro because it would be the right thing to do
L)Someone from NxT who doesn't have a match at Takeover (one of the Vaudevillians, Mojo Rawley)
M)Someone from NxT's partner Evolve (Matt Riddle, Tim Thatcher, Zack Sabre Jr, Ricochet, etc.)
N)One of the other free agents (Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Eric Young, Bobby Roode)
O) Someone whom I haven't listed or is still considered on the injured list (LIKE HIDEO ITAMI!)
The card has been hurt by so many injuries to a lot of guys, including Cena, Orton, Kidd, Neville, Harper, Cesaro, and Rollins among others, so I really hope for my prediction to be correct.
Prediction: It's either going to be Bray, Kane, Braun, Or whomever the 20th member is. Hopefully it's someone worth cheering for.
Match 5: The New Day (Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods) vs. The League of Nations (Sheamus, Rusev, Alberto Del Rio, and King Barrett)
The biggest disappointment of this match is the fact that the WWE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS aren't defending their title at WrestleMania. It's a crying shame considering that the New Day has been consistently the most entertaining part of the product since about July. I'm hoping that the championships are defended in this handicapped match. The feud has been pretty forced and it would honestly be very surprising to see the Lads (the League) steal a victory here. Oh and in terms of gimmicks, The New Day is a trio of unicorn loving, booty shaking, group of smart-asses that have honestly become organically beloved. The League is a forced stable of an Irish Brogue, a Bulgarian Brute, a Mexican Aristocrat, and a King who should have been spewing Bad News for awhile that has failed to connect since their formation as jobbers to Roman Reigns.
Prediction: BIG ENDING TO THE LADS, and the New Day celebrating on horses with Unicorn Horns on them as Xavier Woods plays We Are the Champions by Queen on his trusty Trombone, Francesca 2.
As a quick break, this blog preview for WrestleMania is Brought to you by BOOTY-Os, the Official Cereal of WrestleMania.
BOOTY Os! THEY MAKE SURE YOU AIN'T BOOTY!
Match 6:Grudge match between AJ Styles and Chris Jericho
To be quite frank, this rivalry has run its course. The premise and promos behind it have been "Phenomenal" by both Styles and Jericho, and the matches the two men have had are the same as the promos. Styles has really done well since debuting at the Royal Rumble after such a storied career in TNA and New Japan. Jericho is the wily veteran jealous of the thunder Styles has had since arriving. Both have had similar paths to the WWE, Jericho reaching there years before Styles made a name for himself in ROH and TNA. That being said, this is the 4th match. NO MORE PLEASE.
Prediction: Styles hits an Avalanche Styles Clash on Jericho for the victory!
Match 7: 7-man Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Zack Ryder vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara
Let me preface this first part of the analysis: The WWE ruined a tremendous opportunity. Two of the members of this match have a long and storied rivalry that dates back 10 plus years...and Kalisto vs. Ryback is the singles match with the title on the line? That's a load of Crap. Now, back to a calmer preview.
Kevin Owens put himself in a bad position (well actually this is a great opportunity but the odds are against him). The arrogant champion originally tried to get out of a marquee matchup with rival Sami Zayn by naming Ryder, Stardust, and Cara as potential opponents. Then Stephanie McMahon put this match together.
Sin Cara-Tag Team partner of Kalisto, basically the Marty Janetty of The Lucha Dragons
Stardust-delusional 5th dimensioner who could win if he transforms into his human alter ego, Cody Rhodes
Dolph Ziggler-overlooked 80s rocker looking showoff who's better off teaming with someone.
Miz- Former WM Main Eventer that has impressed in 2016, but is better off teaming with someone arrogant.
Zack Ryder-The luckiest man alive, considering that if Neville was healthy Ryder would be in the ATGMBR or Armbar. (don't ask why Armbar)
Sami Zayn-Red headed Arab who loves Ska and has a long lost twin who takes care of orphans in Mexico (EL GENERICO NUMERO UNO!)Also the Best Friend/Greatest Rival of the Champion
Kevin Owens-Intercontinental Champion and twitter overlord of the blocking mechanism.
The match will be full of high spots, opportunities of a lifetime and hopefully at least 1 brawl atop of a ladder between Owens and Zayn.
Prediction:My heart is with Sami Zayn. Zack Ryder is my second heart pick. My mind says Kevin Owens retains.
Yeah, Kevin Owens retains.
Match 8: Hell in a Cell Match.
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker
At the beginning of February, Shane McMahon return to a huge ovation and wanted to take control of Raw. Vince, the owner and his dad, said yes as long as he could beat The Undertaker, who is 22-1 at WrestleMania. (For a long time he was undefeated until Brock Lesnar conquered the streak)
If Shane (who is a lunatic and thrill seeker) wins, he controls Raw and Taker never competes at Mania again. If Taker Wins, Vince and the Authority take the share that Shane still owns.
I could say more, but this is pretty much the basis of this.
Prediction: Honestly this will be the toughest match to predict, due to the many directions and potential interferences that could happen.
I think Shane will somehow pull this one out due to some crazy alliance with his dad....or because Undertaker wants to get out of this. If Shane wins, Taker's reinstated. Sounds easy enough, but anything could happen here.
Match 9: Divas Championship
Charlotte (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch
Ever since debuting on the main roster in July, these three women have been at the forefront of a new dawning for the (as of what I just read) WOMEN's (AND NOT DIVA'S) Division. While still beautiful, these three dames have been outwrestling the guys on both the NxT and Main Roster cards. This match is the biggest test for the flag bearers of the Divas Revolution. Never mind about how Charlotte backstabbed Becky, her dad Ric Flair annoyingly interfereing, Becky looking for revenge, Sasha never being pinned, and all of that storyline. This is the biggest proving ground for both the women in the match and WWE as a company. If this match delivers in quality similar to any of the main events or at least the Ladder match or the Styles/Jericho match, I would definitely say the DIVAS Revolution to lead into the Women's Division is a definite success.
As for my prediction for the match, My heart belongs to Becky ( And Bayley and Asuka from NxT but details!) but my mind says Sasha.
Sasha isn't a face or a heel so there's a greater array of matchups that can happen if she becomes champion. Charlotte did her job very well as the champion but if there was a better time to lose the title, it would be now. Becky's not getting pinned, she'll probably be the one kicking Ric Flair in the gonads. And I will love every second of it.
Semi-Main in my opinion:No Holds Barred Street Fight
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar
Both men are coming off of losses at Fastlane to Roman Reigns, and (ironically) still have a boatload of momentum. Lesnar, even without the title, is on a whole other level from the rest of the roster due to his conquer of the Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania and introducing the world to Suplex City to Roman Reigns and John Cena at Wrestlemania 31 and Summerslam 2014 respectively. Dean Ambrose has been the closest equivalent to the ultimate underdog and honestly has been the top good guy if you go by audience opinion. Dean has been getting weapons from Hardcore legends such as Mick Foley and Terry Funk, and also has his past to rely on. (Look up Jon Moxley CZW if you need reference.)
Prediction: My mind says Lesnar wins, but I'll pick Ambrose for 1 sole reason. If there was ever a time for a Signature breakout victory, It's Against The Beast, even if Paul Heyman is in Lesnar's corner.
Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H (c) vs. Roman Reigns
Prediction:Roman Reigns wins.
Oh, you want an actual preview? Ok.
Reigns has been battling the Authority since turning on them as part of the Shield in 2014. Seth Rollins backstabbed him and took his title shot, The Authority has put obstacle after obstacle in front of him and he's conquered them all. He even won the tournament for the WWE Championship( then lost it in 5:15 to Sheamus via the Money in the Bank Briefcase on behalf of the Authority). Then he conquered Sheamus to finally win the title back....only for Vince McMahon to force him to put the title up for grabs at the Royal Rumble...which he loses to the leader of the Authority, Triple H. So he had to fight a match between himself, Brock Lesnar, and his best friend Dean Ambrose, to earn a shot against Triple H for the title on the biggest stage of them all.
So why did I say this after my prediction? Because this is the match that is going to make or break all the work WWE has tried to do to make Roman Reigns a megastar.
If Reigns was just allowed to be himself, a cool silent Samoan Badass, instead of be built as the Hulk Hogan/John Cena 2.0, people would like him. But, because of dirt sheets reporting the various reasons that he was being pushed, especially to the chagrin of fans who like their independent cult heroes who had to fight 10 +years just to be signed while he could rely on his famous family and a decent collegiate and semi-pro football career. And for all the writers and officials who are getting tired of Reigns not getting the response the WWE wants, it's on them for writing him as the same character-bland crap as John Cena rather than letting him organically gain support from the part of the fanbase that the product is supposedly aimed at.
(that got really negative and rantlike.....sorry)
Bottom line is, according to the WWE, Roman Reigns is the conquering hero that is going to dethrone the Authority at WrestleMania once and for all.
The real question is....will the live crowd buy it? Because fat marks like myself are going to boo....and still pay at the end of the day.
But that's the life of a Wrestling Fan. You boo and cheer for who you want and the company pushes the ones who make stockholders happy.
And that would be my thoughts and my (I guess not so )unbiased preview.
When in doubt, Watch Pro Wrestling....but don't judge the product on a decision that will 99% blow up in the WWE's face.
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